May God Strike You with Lightening Or The Consequences of Stealing a Nickel!

I.

Looking back on this harrowing third grade experience, I smile as I tell this story. But I assure you, it was no laughing matter at the time!

I was a helper-shy- but always trying to please Sister.  In third grade, I could tell, Sister and I hit it off! I didn’t live far from St. Mary’s Grammar School, just up over the hill and down a long city block, so Mom frequently allowed me to stay after school to help straighten out our third grade classroom.  After all, there were chalk boards to be erased and washed, and erasers to be clapped, outside of course.

I recall that day long ago because of the consequences to my psyche that have lasted a lifetime! Sister requested that I “tidy” (as she called it) all the desks so that papers were not hanging from the desks.  She always liked a neat classroom. I was thrilled to take on a brand new task!  Up and down the aisles I flew, straightening and tidying like a seven year old pro!

I remember finding a nickel in one of the messy desks. I remember it clearly. I turned that nickel over and over in my hand, fingered the buffalo’s raised image and contemplated just what I could buy with that magical nickel. I had never stolen anything in all my seven years.

…Just this once?  …Who would miss it, right? 

I gave myself permission to steal, as I rationalized the theft.  I settled on a candy bar and slipped the nickel in my shoe. We didn’t have pockets in our blue uniforms.  I kept my eye laser fixed on Sister’s every move as I deftly and with an elephant sitting on my chest, stole that nickel on that fateful afternoon. This one act set into motion a series of consequences that would be forever seared into my memory.

Immediate gratification sure should feel great.  That candy bar was in my stomach, devoured, within five minutes of clearing the building.

What’s a kid to do, right?

Who would miss a nickel right?

I would take this ugly act of stealing to the grave with me, I vowed!

WRONG!  DEAD WRONG!!!

II.

I had set the wheels into motion. The next day, the guilt of stealing the nickel weighed me down.  I, we the class, I mean, were greeted by a somber, imposing third grade teacher.  Arms crossed, garb black as the night, and the crucifix of Jesus affixed to the rosary beads Sister wore around her waist was staring at me, eye level. I knew something was up, and I, unlike the rest of my class, knew exactly what that something was!

 

Hands folded, bellowed Sister, and we prayed first.  I said that prayer as though my little life depended on it—and it did as I later would come to realize!

Sister laid out the scenario:  Someone among us was a “thief”, and she wanted to know who that someone was!

All morning, we were grilled. I didn’t break!  I was terrified; remember how shy I told you I  was?  I was in deeper with every action Sister used to ferret out the thief.

 
 Did we know that stealing was a sin? 
…a venial sin?...or was it a mortal sin? I wondered?

 Would I go to hell for stealing this nickel? 

I promise, if I am not caught, God, I will NEVER, EVER

Steal anything again. The words and the promise to God were deliberate and heartfelt. Surely  HE would hear my prayer!

 

Did we know that this nickel belonged to David, and that he now didn’t have enough money

to buy his lunch today?

 

 I didn’t know that!

 
Could it get any worse?  It did!

No recess! That was the least of my worries! I would miss recess all year, if Sister would stop her relentless pursuit to ferret me out! I was knee deep now!

We each received a blank piece of paper.  All the person who stole the nickel needed to do was to write his/her—my—name on the blank paper and Sister would forgive and not punish that person.  Right! Sounded too easy to me!  I wasn’t buying it!

Now that everyone knew there was a thief among us who had stolen food money from David, I would never survive a confession.  I slipped the blank paper into the bucket along with everyone else and waited.  Sister, slowly and deliberately, and dramatically—I might add—opened each piece of paper and by the last blank piece of paper, I could tell she was furious. 

I wasn’t about to crack now!  Not in front of God, Sister, my friends—and David!

 Sorry, David, if I would have known this was your lunch money, I would have left it alone!

The lunch bell bellowed out; it temporarily stopped the torture.  Maybe I was safe!  NO SUCH LUCK!!...WITH  CAPITALS!!!! 

Why didn’t Sister just give up!  She was a bulldog and getting more tenacious by the hour.  End of the day!  I thought it was over, finally!  Little did I know Sister had done last trick up her proverbial sleeve!

And this one would make me crack!  I was fragile and sweaty by now.

Get on with it, Sister!

 It had now begun to rain, not just ordinary, light, gentle rain, but Wrath of God rain, and I thought I heard the groan of thunder too!

Only ten more minutes and school would be over. How bad could it get?  REALLY BAD!!!

 

III.

 

Sister’s plan was simple:

Each row (and there were eight rows) would stand.  One by one we would approach the holy water font (a plastic font of water with a molded face of Jesus staring back at us) in the front of the classroom, screwed into the doorframe.  We would dip a single finger into the holy water, and then make the sign of the cross. 

That sounded easy, I thought.

 Well, here’s the catch—

Sister proclaimed that the person who had stolen the nickel, if they took the holy water, and if they made the sign of the cross, God would strike him or her—ME--DEAD!!  Yes,  that’s right, dead on the spot, right there at the holy water font!

I froze…and counted the rows.

Row 1 stood.  I was in Row 6 of 8 rows.  One by one the torture began.  Silence within, thunder and ferocious rain outside the classroom window.

Row 2, 3, 4, 5…

Now, Row 6, and I, last in the row!  We stand! My heart pounded so hard I was unable to concentrate on anything else.  My palms were sweaty, and I felt lightheaded!

I trembled and sobbed silent tears of repentance.

…My turn.  I could do this!

JUST as I was about to reach for the holy water, the largest crack of lightning God ever created struck somewhere close by, and you guessed it!

I literally fell to the ground shrieking:  “I did it; I stole the nickel!” 

I was inconsolable. I bet my tears equaled the dearth of rain falling outside. I knew stealing was a bad idea, but I’m only seven, and God is going to condemn me to the fires of hell—right now!  This minute!!!

 Sister, knowing now what role she had played in her sinister plot, ran to my side just as the end of the day bell rang. I couldn’t stop wailing…not for an hour... not even when they called Mother Superior and she called my Mother to come to school to get me ...not all that night …not even in my Mother’s consoling arms.

…And to this day?  You guessed it:  I’ve never stolen anything.. and I don’t like nickels!...never have, never will!

…and that’s the truth, really!